


The Contract For Life

by KiraDillinger



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst and Humor, F/F, Fluff, Past Abuse, Romance, Suicidal Thoughts, criminal organization au, don't drink, not mafia but close to it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-27
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2018-11-19 19:55:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 18,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11320542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KiraDillinger/pseuds/KiraDillinger
Summary: When everything is bad in life and you want to rush under the train, go to the bar at three at the morning and watch people. Maybe one of them will be the one who will save you. Well, also this "one" can be in a criminal organization, but this is not so important.





	1. 1.

**Author's Note:**

> So, I started this idea. Hooray~  
> Friendly reminder that I'm not native English so I 100% sure you'll have a lot of mistakes (I'm sorry). But I hope you'll like the fic <3

Peridot wakes up in the same bed with an unfamiliar girl not for the first time in her life, but this very morning seems strange to her. The girl next to her is fully dressed, like Peridot herself, the girl has almost no make-up, which is usually seen on the night butterflies, flying into the light in her room. The girl peacefully snores nearby, as if she doesn't need to wake up, take money and get out.

Peridot rubs her eyes and, slightly staggering, gets out of bed. Memories of the past evening chaotically flare up and fade in the droning head, and Peridot once again makes a note "don't get drunk to such a state in the future." The phone has zero missed calls, which is very encouraging for her. Well, of course, if someone urgently needed her, this someone would simply yank her out of a bed.

But business for a day isn’t planned, and if planned, then only for the evening. Sighing, Peridot turns her head to the sleeping girl. _"I have never woken up,"_ she thinks, _"with such a beauty."_   The girl wrinkles her nose in her sleep and covers herself with a blanket. Deciding to recall everything that happened last night, Peridot goes to the kitchen, clicking the button of the kettle.

***

The bar played music loudly, but played in such a way that it was possible to re-shout it and shout to the interlocutor, tearing off the voice and splashing the drinks from the glasses. The bar wasn’t the best, not the one where a glass of vodka was worth a hundred bucks, it was the most common basement bar, with a good assortment, good music and people who have nowhere to go at three in the morning except here.

Stirring the liquid in a tall glass with a tube, Lapis hoped that the last cocktail in her life would be good, and it, in fact, was so. Rum with raspberries and mint is always delicious. Slowly sipping a drink, Lapis examined the visitors, propped her cheek with her hand, peered at the faces, inhaling the smell of someone's hookah. Her life, in her own opinion, was coming to the end this morning, and something inside suggested that she needs to remember at least something from this world. Well, her the last money went to the glass in front of her (actually the third one), and there was absolutely nothing to lose.

Among the visitors, who for the most part were children who had just celebrated their majority, one of the tables stood out in particular, and Lapis chained her gaze to it. At the table three girls were siting, in jackets and ties, but they didn't look like office workers who decided to rest on Friday evening before the weekend. And in general, it was three o'clock in the Tuesday morning, and who drinks in the middle of the week, if you have to go to work early in the morning? Either those who don’t have a job, or those who decided to jump this morning from the bridge. The girls at the table looked tired, but the smiles didn’t disappear from their faces, only widening with every sip of the obviously expensive whiskey that stood on their table. _"Well, someone in this place has obviously more fun than me,"_ Lapis thought, sighing. _"Much more fun."_

Heavy thoughts overwhelmed her again, but she had long ago learned to restrain herself and behave as if nothing was happening and would not happen. An indifferent look, a relaxed expression, this was for her an everyday mask, which she saw even in the mirror.

"And what does a suicide do here?" someone asked unexpectedly over her ear, and Lapis nearly shed a cocktail on the table, jerking and turning.

 _"When did she?.."_ flashed through her mind, but it was too late, and one of the girls from "that table" was already sitting in front of her, sipping Jack from the bottle's throat. Lapis could hardly see her eyes behind the glasses of glinting spectacles, girl's light blond hair lay in disarray. The tie was weakened, the top buttons of the shirt unbuttoned, and a strange and too wide smile played on her lips, but this smile was not like a simple drunken smile. And the question the girl asked was not "drunk".

"Why such questions?" Lapis raised her eyebrows, pretending that she understood absolutely nothing.

The girl grinned and took a big sip from the bottle.

“Your eyes, gestures, behavior. I've already seen this. What, life gave you a big kick under the ass and there is no other way out?”

Lapis thought it was just joking. Someone can't just... Suddenly, her excitement went away, giving way to the usual tranquility. What's the difference?.. Anyway, her life will end in the morning. Lapis drained the remaining cocktail in one gulp without wincing (the whiskey in that bottle would be more disgusting), and propped her cheeks with her hands, staring intently at her companion.

“Yes, it happens. Well, you know, people are jumping from a bridge, or under a train, all that.”

Oh, there it is. It seemed to her that now her mind had floated, and she could tell more than necessary. She didn't want to be dragged to a rehab center for psychotic suicides.

"I know," the girl answered shortly. "Here, it tastes better than this cocktail of yours."

She handed her a bottle of Jack, and Lapis for some reason took it, taking a sip. The whiskey burned her throat, but the sensation was strangely enjoyable. _"Well, well, take a drink from strangers in the bar, and what if there are drugs or other shit..."_. This thought quickly changed to _"but I don’t care about my life."_

The girl with a smile opened her mouth to say something else, but she was interrupted by a shout from "that very table".

"Where did you take the bottle to, Peridot? It was ours, you little...!"

The shouting girl could be heard even through the music, and Lapis shivered, although her companion only shrugged, and, leaning back in her chair, waved an almost empty bottle in the air.

 "Buy yourself another, is it a problem? I have an important conversation here, go to hell."

The shouting girl obviously wanted to add something much rougher, but she was patted on the shoulder and asked not to yell.

"As if it's the last bottle in the whole bar, God... Oh, yes, I'm Peridot. And, judging by the fact that I haven't yet been shot, you are not from bad guys."

Lapis glanced at the thin little scar on Peridot's forehead and somehow thought that someone had already tried to shoot her.

_Peridot. What a strange name. And is it a name?_

_Again, what's the difference._

“I'm Lapis. Lapis Lazuli. So, what do you want from me, Peridot? A one-night stand? Sorry, I didn’t plan that.”

Peridot finished her whiskey and asked the waiter to bring exactly the same bottle to her, and at the table of her colleagues.

"You know, my friend, Amethyst certainly drinks everything, but good whiskey is always an excellent choice." She said to the waiter. The waiter seemed to know perfectly well what she was talking about, and therefore brought everything without a second of delay. Peridot uncorked another bottle and handed it to Lapis.

"For night dates, I have a whole list of girls in the phone who wouldn't mind spending an unforgettable night with me. But from you I want a different thing. How shitty is your life, Lazuli?"

Lapis took the bottle and sighed. _"It will be a strange and long night."_

***

Peridot looks in the mirror and remembers what she heard from the girl with bottomless and incredibly sad eyes. Just how did it all end?.. Judging by the fact that they are dressed, nothing happened, but Peridot seems that everything is not so simple.

Lapis tosses in her sleep and finally wakes up, sleepily looking around the place. Her eyes widen when she realizes that it's already morning, and she is still alive and unharmed.

"No, Lazuli, this isn't a paradise, and I'm not Saint Peter," Peridot chides, putting on her glasses and smoothing her disheveled hair. "Can you tell me how it all ended yesterday?"

Lapis frowns, obviously trying to understand who is in front of her and how she ended up here, but for her remembering the events of the night is much easier because of the smaller amount of drunk alcohol.

"It all almost went to "an unforgettable night," but someone fell asleep three seconds after we were on the bed," she snorts, rubbing her eyes and pulling her knees to the chest. “Hell, I was so well-tuned, I was 100% sure of everything, and then you appeared and I'm still alive. Although... Judging by what we agreed on, my life is now not mine at all, because I don’t care about it.”

"Not yours...?" Peridot asks, and instantly remembers everything.

Exactly. They agreed that if Lapis doesn't need her life, she can give it to Peridot for use, if only she promises not to harm her. How much she was drunk, that she offered it...

“If you don’t need it, I, perhaps, will go and…”

“No. Stay. You still have nowhere to go, right?”

 "If only to the next world."

"You can think that you are already there... Welcome to the shelter of the Crystal Clods, about which I'll tell you, unless I will be killed for bringing you."

Someone knocks at the door Peridot smirks nervously.

 "We'll find it out just now."


	2. 2.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little chapter because I have a huge shitty block >__<

Someone knocks on the door a couple of times, and Peridot hastens to open, because she knows that after a couple more knocks the door can be completely taken out from its hinges. Not everyone, of course, does that, but some people just love to kick the door with shouts like "wake up, you motherfucker!", and Peridot has to spend the whole evening screwing an unfortunate piece of wood back.

The door opens and one of the girls, who sat in a bar next to Peridot, with a pale peach hair color, tall and thin, enters the room. The tie is perfectly tied, the jacket is clasped in the pale palms, and under the left hand hangs the holster that Lapis is looking at immediately, and this glance doesn't go unnoticed.

"It's amazing that you were able to get home and not do anything stupid," the girl says coldly, humbling Peridot with a cold look about which Peridot absolutely does not care. “I was already prepared to read the morning reports, either about two corpses caught in the river, or about some kind of rout and firing. Are you getting old, Peridot? Just a couple of years ago, almost every your drinking evening ended with "I think, I shot someone, oops" and our running around trying to fix everything.”

Peridot snorts, spreading her hands and yawning.

Tink, the button of a boiling kettle clicks.

"Thanks for the morning brainwashing, Pearl, but can we at least have tea? And you seem to be going somewhere."

Pearl throws a disgruntled but not malicious glance at Lapis, then at Peridot, and puts on her jacket, which perfectly covers the holster. Rose embroidered on the jacket pocket seems to Lapis a bloody spot, but she does not have time to consider it. Pearl turns away, and, putting her hands in her pockets, sighs.

"If you decide to leave her here, go to Garnet first. You don't want anyone to find her, walking around freely, and decide that she's a spy? Who knows, maybe she'll stumble upon Sapphire, who will calmly understand everything, or maybe Ruby, and you'll have to pay a poor girl for a false jaw."

With these words, Pearl leaves, and Peridot kicks the door behind her, sizzling to herself that being so toxic from the very morning should be just illegal. Lapis' face expresses something between misunderstanding and hurt.

"It sounded like I am your pet now," she grumbles, and Peridot smiles broadly and cheekily.

"Well, that's almost the truth, and until you decide to kill me, let's go get tea or coffee, I think we need to discuss a lot."

Lapis freezes with his mouth open, and Peridot laughs, nodding toward the kitchen. Deciding to remain silent, Lapis humbly goes there, paying attention to the interior. High ceilings, lattice windows, whether against running away, or against breaking. Light blue wallpaper with fluorescent glowing in the dark stars, "like in a kid’s room." A small bed, on which they together fit only by touching each other's shoulders, a safe, a coffee table and several laptops on it. A large box with various instruments and wires in the corner, several soft toys on the windowsill. If Lapis didn't have a clear understanding of whose room this is, she would have thought that it belongs to some strange teenager. But Peridot, though she isn't tall, does not look like a teenager.

"Tea, coffee, whiskey?" Peridot asks, opening the cupboard and taking out a large iron jar of coffee.

"Coffee. I drank enough yesterday to get drunk again."

"Technically, it was already today... Does your head hurt?"

Lapis closes her eyes and realizes with relief that nothing really hurts, except that she's a little nauseated… She shakes her head and Peridot jeers with envy.

“This is good, because I have a feeling that I fought yesterday and someone hit me on the head. Although, perhaps, this brainwashing from Pearl since the morning is so effective. Hold this, sit down, make yourself at home, this is so already.”

Lapis takes a cup of coffee, frowns, burning her tongue with a bitter liquid, and falls on a chair, watching how Peridot cooks simple sandwiches. New home?.. She remembers perfectly how she answered "alright" with the question "wanna give your life to me?" last night, and now it all seems to her so stupid and strange. Peridot doesn't seem like a bad person, but the whole situation... What's next, write it on paper? Contract?

"And what are you going to do with me?" asks Lapis, looking into a cup of black coffee. "Give me a rug, a doghouse and a leash?"

Peridot twitches, as if Lapis said something very bad, and sighs. Lapis still can't see the color of her eyes behind the glinting round glasses.

"We can do without a leash. I would be glad to give you a separate room, but it's not me who decides, and we do not have free rooms. And those that are free are in such a mess that we die before we clean up there," Peridot puts a plate of sandwiches on the table and sits down before Lapis, thoughtfully rubbing her temples. “We'll eat, and we then go to Garnet. I already know, as soon as we come to her, she will already give me a complete file on you, starting with where you grew up and ending your sex life.”

Tink, the spoon loudly strikes against the glass.

"And what if this "Garnet" doesn't let me stay?" Indifferently says Lapis, taking food from the plate. "Will they kill me because I know too much? Or because I generally know where this "shelter" locates?”

Peridot chokes on laughing and coffee, almost spilling half on the table.

"The whole fucking town knows where our shelter is, every time I wonder how no one has thrown a bomb on us. The most that you know is that Pearl has no sense of tact, and that I don't know how to cook anything more complicated than that. And if your file doesn't prove that you are a spy, sent to kill me, although who needs to kill me, then most likely everything will be okay. And if you were a spy, I would not wake up today, and I would not have come home at all. So, we'll tell you what we are a little later, finish eating and let's go.”

Lapis seems that it was still necessary to jump in the morning, and not to listen to any strange personalities. But breakfast is delicious, coffee, when cooled down, is also good, and inner curiosity is eager to learn how events turn on. Where is she, how and what will happen next...

"Earth to Lapis," Peridot shakes a palm in front of her eyes, and Lapis returns from her thoughts. Chewing the last piece and drinking the remnants of coffee, Lapis puts the mug on the table and uncertainly curves her lips in a smile.

"Let's go."


	3. 3.

The corridor meets them with an unexpectedly pleasant coolness and carpeted floors, and Lapis instantly remembers the Overlook hotel and flinches at the extremely unpleasant images flashing in her head. Everything around really looks like a huge hotel, the rooms in which are even equipped with a kitchen, and Lapis is really wondering how big this place is. The next door is only ten meters from the door from which they came out, and, as they pass by it, the door opens, loudly knocking against the wall. Lapis jumps up from surprise, but Peridot, who apparently has iron nerves, does not even twitch.

"Fuck, if I'm late because of you, I'll be back and shoot you!"

A young woman, leaving the room with the speed of a bullet, almost drops the folder with a pile of papers, hastily puts on her jacket, nods quickly to Peridot and rushes down the corridor to the stairs down. Lapis only has time to see blue hair, almost like her own, and a holster under her left hand, the same as Pearl had in the morning.

_"Are they all armed here?"_

Lapis glances at Peridot. Peridot has only glasses and a smirk. No weapons. Visible, at least.

"Oh, what a rush," mockingly, but with a clear affectionate tone says someone else, and Lapis looks at the girl who left the room to lean on the jamb, a bit younger than the one who just ran out of the apartment. Blond hair, brown eyes, long and neat scar, passing through the chin, lip edge and ending on the right cheek. She stoops, but Lapis clearly understands that she is higher than Peridot and even higher than Lapis herself. "God, it's almost an hour before the meeting, and she, as always, should be there in advance, and not a minute later this "in advance". Hi, Peridot, you look, as always, like after a car wash. Where are you going?"

Peridot ruffles her spiky hair, twisting her lips into a grin. Lapis seems that the girl deliberately ignores her, looking exactly at Peridot.

"To Garnet. I have... some complicated stuff here."

Peridot nods at Lapis, and after that nod two piercingly brown eyes finally look at her. Lapis seems that this look can burn a hole.

"I see. Well, good luck. I have a day off today, so I'll go to sleep again... I'm bored alone and my pleasure was interrupted…"

The girl yawns and closes the door behind her, waving her hand in farewell, and Peridot steps forward as if nothing had happened, only a moment later realizing that it is necessary to tell Lapis about who it was.

"Uh... It's Zircon. One of them. Ahm... The second one was Zircon too. I promise to tell you everything more precisely, as soon as we talk to Garnet, okay?"

Peridot rubs the bridge of her nose and turns to the stairs down.

"Do all of you have the names like ge..." begins Lapis, but Peridot interrupts her with a loud "tsk", making so irritably that Lapis shivers.

"Not all. Be patient."

The next few minutes they go in silence, winding in the corridors and floors, as if the room of the notorious boss is in a special labyrinth, into which you will enter and you will not leave, and Lapis very much does not want to get lost here alone. Peridot frowns, and Lapis for a moment seems that she begins to limp, but she can't tell for sure, because they finally come to the most ordinary door. Not to some doors with guards and a huge lock, but to the usual door, like everyone else here, into which Peridot knocks politely, and a pleasant deep female voice says "come in".

Lapis nervously inhales, but a gentle push in the back and an encouraging Peridot's smile give her strength.

In the room, furnished with obviously expensive furniture, there is an impressive oak table right in the middle, behind which, presumably, the boss is leaning over the papers, and when the dark eyes rise from the papers and look at Lapis, doubts disappear. A person with such eyes can not be just a secretary.

"Oh, I've been waiting for you," the woman says, clasping her hands in the lock in front of her. Peridot sighs, but is silent. "Not often we have something like this happening."

"You say it as if it's just an event ..." Peridot chides, without a drop of courtesy in her voice. "Pearl made of this something unimaginable, huh?"

“No, I just was very surprised when she said "Peridot decided to play a rescuer and brought home a puppy."     

"I'll kill this bastard," Peridot croaks through her teeth, but Lapis clearly hears a note of laughter in her voice. The woman sitting at the table smiles.

She has tanned skin and a mop of curly dark hair, scars from burns on her hands and very strange, like an "understanding everything" smile.

"Lapis Lazuli, twenty-seven years old, a former private art teacher. The last three months are experiencing not the best days of her life, problems with finding work, a depressive state, since the day before yesterday - the lack of an apartment, according to official data - problems with wiring led to a fire. All right?"

Lapis bites lips and clenches her fists; every word is felt in the heart like a billion knives.

"True," she whispers, and Peridot holds back a strange desire to take her hand.

Peridot knows what it's like, to lose everything.

Garnet (Lapis suspects that this is Garnet everyone was talking about) is still smiling.

"Now I will ask a very important question, on which it will depend, whether Peridot will be able to continue to look after you here, or we will have to... ask you to leave."                                                                                                

Garnet's voice grows harder and colder, she takes a photograph from the table without looking, and shows it to Lapis and Peridot in front of her. Peridot throws a pleading look at Lapis, but Lapis does not see it behind her glasses.

"Lapis. Do you know who is this?"

Lapis snorts and sighs heavily, feeling a nervous smile creep over her face.

"Peridot didn't joke when she said that you already know everything about me. Yes I know. Jasper, my... Ex, if I may say so. We did not have warm relationships in recent months, and a couple of days ago she probably burned down my apartment. A few weeks ago I was kicked out of work, and I can go on like this forever, you all know it already.

Garnet puts the photo on the table and looks intently into Lapis' blue eyes.

"Good. And the second question. Do you know anything about the "Homeword" organization?"

_"Again Homeworld..."_

 "Jasper is there, as far as I know. She wanted me to go with her. I refused. I know that this is a criminal organization, it has many corpses and blood on its account. I said that if Jasper decides to join, we will break up. It happened, but she decided to drag me there by any means. "If you have nowhere to go, you'll come here, to me." Well, she achieved her goal, but I would not return anyway. Not there."     

Peridot creaks her teeth and makes a strange roar. Garnet grins.

"Well, the first test is passed. Congratulations, Lapis, you can stay here. And under "here" I understand..."

"... the Crystal Clods, who have been kicking Homeword's ass at for many years and don't allow these bastards to break lives," Peridot interrupts, and all seriousness falls from Garnet's face.

"Gems, Peridot. Gems, not clods, I'm still your boss and still can reprimand you. Lapis, now I can officially introduce myself to you. I'm Garnet, the leader of the organization "Crystal Gems". It sounds, maybe not so dangerous or pretentious, but believe me, the jokes with us are bad. Especially with Peridot. She's not one of those who can shoot at all... Peridot, will you tell Lapis all by yourself? I have, as you can see, a lot of paper work, and Pearl left for the meeting."

Garnet gestures to show the amount of work, and Peridot nods, unable to contain a broad smile.

"I understand, Boss. Good luck with work. Lapis, let's go.

Peridot pulls Lapis to the door, and the door behind them almost closes, as Garnet throws the phrase:

"Peridot ... Are you okay?"

Peridot frowns, shrugging her shoulders and shifting from foot to foot.

"Yeah."

And in a moment they are back in the corridor, and Lapis tries to structure in her head what just happened, who it was, how she managed to "pass the test," and where she is at all. In her head everything was confused, and yet yesterday her only thought was the desire to just cease to exist.

"Let's go," Peridot says almost gently, taking her by the wrist. "It's time to tell you everything as it is."


	4. 4.

When they find a small bar behind one of the doors, apparently empty due to the unsuitable time for drinking, Lapis ceases to be surprised about anything in this building. The floor is lined with a red carpet, the wooden tables are perfectly clean, like the bar counter at the very end of the big room, the curtains are drawn and the room reigns in a pleasant semi-darkness, but when they go a little farther, someone behind them, removes curtains from the windows, spilling a pleasant daylight into the room.

Peridot stretches her lips in a smile, gesturing to a girl approaching them.

"Lapis, this is Sadie," the fair-haired and slightly plump girl nods affably, "Sadie, this is Lapis, from today she's with us. I would like to show and explain her everything here, so we'll sit here, since no one is there. Would you make some tea?"

"Welcome, Lapis," Sadie pats Lapis' shoulder, catching up amusingly for it on her toes. "Any preferences? What kind of tea?"  
Lapis hesitates, but the girl waits patiently, as if understanding how much information has just been poured out on Lapis and how difficult it is for her brain to digest information now.

"Green, please, without sugar," Lapis finally exhales with a forced smile.

"And something for tea would be nice," Peridot says, after Sadie returns to the counter.

They sit down exactly at the central table, where Peridot seems to be relaxing, lowering her shoulders and stretching her legs under the table. Peridot knew that everything would turn out, but still she was a little scared, probably as scary as Lapis. For her, this is a novelty.  
"Brought home a puppy" she remembers Garnet's words said by Pearl. Puppy or not a puppy, but someone for whom now she will have to be responsible. Full responsibility for someone's life.

They remain silent until Sadie brings them a fragrant tea, obviously uneasy, not from bags that you can use several times in times of poverty. Tea smells of herbs; Lapis feels the warmth and sense of security spreading through her body.

"Sadie always has the best tea," Peridot draws from her mug, taking the chocolate homemade cookies from the plate. "And the best baking. She manages this place with a guy named Lars, but today he obviously has other things to do. Our local baker-killer, heh. Just don't think that Sadie is just like a good grandmother here, that is walking and feeding everyone.”

Peridot grins, adjusting her glasses, which are leaving glare on the table.

"Once we lost our vigilance, and somehow the enemies got to us. They thought that if they hide here, no one will notice... Yeah, I'll never forget their fucking faces, when one of them got a knife in the ass... He didn't run far, as you understand..."

Peridot laughs, and Lapis tries to discern in the girl sitting behind the counter the rudiments of a maniac with experience.

"You'd better start from the beginning," Lapis asks, leaning her cheek with her hand. "Everything is confused in my head..."

Sighing, Peridot puts the mug on the table, leans back and looks at the high ceiling. From the beginning... From the very beginning, she herself doesn't know how it was, and does not know whether it is necessary to tell absolutely everything, but at least somehow it is necessary to tell.

"As you already know, Homeworld is a criminal organization. Assassinations, drugs, kidnappings, arms sales, and I can go on forever. Homeworld was founded a long time ago, and originally "Crystal Gems" was a part of it, but sixteen years ago a part of people with another worldview sever themselves from Homeworld, named themselves "Crystal Gems" and began a fight against Homeworld's actions. I'm not saying that we are angels and our hands are clean. Fighting them with simple methods does not come out, and our hands are also covered with blood. The only difference is that our hands are clean from the blood of innocent people, while they have an elbow in the blood of those who have nothing to do with it. We just try to do everything the way we think is right.

Lapis listens in silence, doesn't interrupt, and so far she has not asked any questions. Yet, also a crimes, just a little different from Homemorld. Robin Hoods, huh.

"Everyone who has a name after a... Gem, was once recruited in Homeworld as a child. Dirty methods they have. Take a homeless child, wean them on behalf, give out a "code name" and inspire faith in the fact that you are doing something for some great purpose, which in reality isn't exist. Those who have normal names, like Sadie or Lars, have never been in Homeworld, and joined willingly, wishing to help. It's funny that you also have a "gem" name, Lapis. Exactly, like Jasper, huh. Fun thing, the universe.”

"Oh yes," Lapis answered dryly, frowning.

Jasper. While Jasper didn't find out about Homeworld, everything was going... More or less nice. With some quarrels, but all became very bad, when Jasper has lighted up idea to enter in Homeworls where she was of course accepted, with her sports successes and absence of pity. Lapis clenches her fists, remembering how presumptuous Jasper was saying that Lapis would still return to her. That in the end she would have nothing left but her, and she had no other choice.

Jasper arranged everything. Her dismissal, her problems at every new place of work, set against all those whom Lapis considered her friends, and, worst of all, took away her home.

_"You'll still come back to me."_

For Lapis to come back would be worse than death. Therefore, she chose the easier way, but a strange person in strange glasses pushed her from it, offering a completely different way of solving the problem.

  
"Do not be afraid," Peridot says quietly. "Now we will not give you to her. Now any of her actions against you will be considered as an attack on the "Gems", and we won't close our eyes to this. You can trust us."

"Why should you be so kind? Do you take every suicide to yourself like that?" Lapis suddenly speaks abruptly, unexpectedly for herself, and immediately bites her tongue, thinking that this phrase will exactly anger Peridot. But Peridot still looks at the ceiling. Or her. The glasses still hide her eyes.

"No, not everyone. We do not care about who jumps from the bridge at this moment, or who has fallen under a train. We are not Mothers Teresas and not somebody's guardian angels. But I had a chance to save someone's life, just like the Crystal Clods saved mine, and even both of us were awfully drunk, last night when we were walking I saw - you want to live. You just cornered, without giving opportunity even to bare your fangs and fight back. Just like it once happened to me. Even the whole agreement that your life is now mine, and it was invented by two drunken idiots, I sincerely believe that something can change. Just give it a chance."

Lapis sighs, gulping down the rest of the tea. Give life a second chance...

"If you always have such a delicious tea here, I'll probably stay for a while," she says, and Peridot claps her hands joyfully like a child who finally gets what she wanted. "I suppose I'm sleeping on the rug next to your bed?"  
"Hmm..." Peridot rubs the back of the head, trying to figure out how to solve this "terrible" problem. "If you do not mind sleeping in my bed, you can take half of it. I absolutely do not mind sleeping next to a beautiful girl..."

The last words sound as if she is going to "pick up" Lapis in this bar for another night, and Lapis understands how silly and ironic it sounds. She's already been picked up to the devil knows how long.

"And I, finally, can count on "unforgettable nights" about which you spoke?" Lapis chuckles, taking the last cookie from the plate right from under Peridot' nose. "It seems to me, the unforgettable part will be in an attempt to separate the blanket."

Peridot smiles. She feels that unforgettable things will most likely be in something else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay~   
> the next part will contain some action, I hope xD


	5. 5.

Unfortunately or fortunately, unforgettable things for Lapis at night are that she can finally sleep, comfortably stretched out on the bed and not worrying that someone wants something from her. Lapis sleeps until the afternoon, staying in bed for hours after she woke up, as if she's trying to sleep off all those sleepless nights when, due to nerves, she could not close her eyes until dawn.

Peridot does not spend the night at home on the fifth day, and Lapis is completely not sad because of this. Peridot returns to the apartment about the time when Lapis makes a midday coffee, greets and smiles faintly, falling asleep in her clothes, barely having time to take off her glasses. For all the time that Lapis with the Gems, she still did not see her eyes, and though curiosity was strong, no opportunities have been provided so far.

Peridot shrugs, saying that she has business and all that stuff, and that at night she is better at work and "no, Lapis, I'm not a killer, I'm a hacker with a gun, I do not kill people at night... until they touch my laptop." Lapis does not know whether to believe in this or this is "Peridot's humor", but she 100% does not want to question it. She just enjoys her ability to sleep and rest from eternal stress. Also to sit out to eat homemade cakes in a bar, which actually looks more like an old cozy cafe, for Lapis is much more important and useful.

Over the past few days, Lapis acquainted with people who seem to her very unusual in appearance, but just talk to them, and the feeling is that they are not employees of a near-criminal organization, but simple neighbors. Even the Zircons, who are really her neighbors, accept Lapis warmly, although Jack (the blonde who Lapis and Peridot met on the way to Garnet), nevertheless, looks at her intently, as if assessing. Star (whose hair is lighter than Lapis', but still blue) says that Jack looks like this at almost everyone and asks Lapis not to worry.

They say that they were once among Homeworld dogs, but first the Crystal Gems pulled Star out of there and then Jack did not endure "boredom and loneliness".  They did not even have normal names, and those that are now, they came up with themselves, so that the Gems won't be confused. Lapis notices the paired rings on their fingers and smiles. Once she wanted to have the same, but it did not work out.

Among her new acquaintances is also Lars, who can be described as a punk-killer-confectioner, and he is all of this, sometimes helping Sadie to bake home cookies, and sometimes, by screwing the suppressor to the muzzle, apologizing with guilty voice that he must go. Sadie says that he asks her to dye his hair in pink, and she never takes offense if he runs away from the kitchen at the most inopportune moment.

A good friend and interlocutor for Lapis becomes Steven, who seems to be the only one who does not carry a weapon with him and does not look as if he can hug you first and then shoot you at point-blank range. Steven is only sixteen, and you can even call him ordinary if you do not remember that he considers every killer in this building to be his family.

Steven leads her around the rooms, introduces to everyone who is not busy, gets a soft "later" from those who can't pay attention to them, and absolutely do not take offense at all. He has a soft and kind smile, and beside him, even always gloomy Pearl melts and looks like a caring mother, and not like someone with a loaded pistol in her bosom. Steven knows what they're all doing here, no wonder, Sadie told Lapis once over a cup of tea that he's likely to be the next leader in the future, if everything turns out well, he will take it from his mother that many years ago founded it all, but died after her son's birth. Lapis does not see him as a boss, but Lapis knows perfectly well what time and environment can do with a person.

Lapis understands how much she has become attached to this place in such a short time, when it is already usual to see blood-stained people in the corridors. When you give someone a napkin to wipe a gun is nothing special. A human gets used to everything, thinks Lapis, and ceases to be amazed at such trifles.

But when the emergency meeting begins, and even Peridot, sleepy and disheveled, comes, trying to tie a black tie around her neck, Lapis feels - now the Gems are alarmed. Everyone looks agitatedly, and Lapis for a second has the idea that it's time to hide, but Garnet comes out in front of everyone, takes a deep breath and starts to talk.

"Steven is taken hostage by some nameless organization, and they demand money from us and the plane."

And these words seem staggering, but not because "oh no Steven was kidnapped" and not because "oh no he is in danger", but because "some jerks think they will get away with it". Pearl next to Lapis breaks a pencil in her hands and grinds her teeth, and Lapis really does not want to be at those guys place.

“As you understand, this is just the case when we can say "that was a ricochet". Ten minutes, I wait for the whole attacking detachment outside. Peridot, this time you're driving.”

Peridot yawns, nodding, and, noticing Lapis' openly unaware eyes, clapping her on the shoulder reassuringly, smiling sincerely.

"We can handle this. Not for the first time some freaks try to achieve something from us through Steven, and then they ask "just not in the face!"."

Peridot's voice is cheerful, but Lapis hears the notes of excitement and nervousness. And at this moment she hellishly wants to somehow help, and do not feel useless, do at least something.

"May I come with you? Or at least..."

Peridot sighs and opens arms.

"No, you can't go with us, but good luck hugs would be useful."

She says it so confident that it seems that this really will give her luck and everything else. But when Lapis takes a step forward, Pearl jumps out literally from around the corner pulling Peridot for a tie and drags her to the exit, not paying attention to cursing and kicking.

"There's no time for this, you'll have a hug later, let's fuckin' go already..." growls Pearl, and Peridot only remains to run after her, sending Lapis air embrace. “Be serious.”

Peridot grumbles, but still realizes a situation. She must be serious.

Lapis looks around the room, which was full of people five minutes ago, and understands that only Sadie and Star are here, the others either went outside, or already dispersed on their business. Sadie smiles wearily.

"Tea?"

Lapis and Star synchronously sigh and nod. Tea would be nice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> about Zircons names, I really loved this headcannon: http://kiradillinger.tumblr.com/post/165915142033/my-dudes


	6. 6.

The main problem of Peridot has always been the inability to restrain her spontaneous impulses, the consequences of which must be solved by almost the entire organization. Although Peridot always honestly confesses that she made a mistake or did not consider the decision. So it was with numerous "he molested a girl in the bar, so I shot his ball, but yes, I'm sorry that you had to cover me up, it's my fault." So it was with Lapis, but in the case of Lapis Peridot never apologized to anyone.

Peridot has very conflicting feelings about Lapis. Who are they now for each other? In the world, it seems, there is not a single word to describe it. Peridot knows exactly what Lapis feels, but what to do next... She has no idea. To be lovers? Friends? Make Lapis her battle partner? The last idea seems to Peridot quite good, but at the same time it seems like Lapis would rather die than allow herself to be taught to shoot.

All these thoughts attack Peridot's sleepy head while she parked the van about a hundred meters from the location of the idiotic suicide guys, looking dejectedly at the steering wheel, clearly carrying out the order "sit here and wait, in case we have to quickly go away." Peridot knows that it will not be necessary to go away quickly. That her colleagues would simply leave the building, leaving Ruby there for ten minutes or so, because she would obviously ask for evidence to be erased with a freaking explosion. That scumbags, whom Homeworld most likely hired because of a boredom, do not even know how to aim properly.

In this city and a few nearest ones, every little criminal gang knows about Homeworld and Crystal Gems, and no one would interfere in their affairs simply because they want money and, how original, the plane.

Peridot sighs and rests her forehead against the steering wheel. Guys probably did something to Homeworld, and instead of shooting them personally, they decided to play with the victims, give them money and send them to death by blackmailing Gems. And they surely were given a clear indication - not to hurt Steven. If they kill him, Gems will go to a cruel war with Homeworld, which for both organizations will end with blunt bloodshed. This is not the way to fight in such organizations.

Damn Diamonds, or even not them, they have other worries, some Aquamarine has become boring. It's possible that these guys just made a wrong step, but... Gems are not angels and rescuers for those who is ready for kidnapping and extortion to earn some money. Leave them alive, and they will be found and killed by Homeworld. They have to work as cleaners this time. Apparently, no one has long had any interesting business, and all rushed to this workout.

And Peridot would also have rushed, ignoring the order, but she wants to sleep terribly, and she realizes that she will rather shoot a friend than an opponent. Sitting in the car is boring, but what can she do.

However, after about ten minutes something interesting happens. The guy who did not think of anything better than to sneak to the car and put the gun to the window with the demand to "get out and give him the keys." Peridot sighs, watching the pistol shake in the hands of the guy, who is hardly older than she is.

"No problem..." Peridot opens the door, deliberately slowly leaving the car. "But it's..."

The guy does not listen to her, hopping into the car and slamming the door. Peridot yawns, trying to remember if the pistol is loaded in the holster, and with a grin observes the attempts of the loser-kidnapper to find the keys, which even she does not have.

After half a minute the guy opens the window and puts the gun back.

"You didn't let me finish..." Peridot says quietly. "There's an ignition on a fingerprint..."

The expression of the guy's face changes from angry to surprised and then back to the angry one. He jumps out of the car, and before the sleepy Peridot's brain realizes what is going on, a shot is heard.

"Then don't make me cut off your fingers, scum," the guy hissed indignantly, and Peridot looks at the hole in her new shoes.

New, polished black shoes.

It must be painful, right? According to all the canons, she must now wriggle from pain and lie on the ground, praying for mercy. But…

Peridot sighs, taking her pistol out of the holster before the guy manages to recharge his. The shot is heard instantly. The body falls to the ground, and Peridot leans on the van and tries to move her foot, which, oh heck, doesn't want to move.

"Fuck..." she hisses through clenched teeth, cursing once again her desire to "see what will happen and then act." It's good that it's right one… It has long been necessary to change..."

Peridot sadly sighs, knowing full well why Garnet forbade her to be in the attacking group this time. This damn woman foresaw everything. Well, perhaps she did not foresee that someone else will now have to be a driver, but, anyway, Garnet is not surprised by the corpse near the car, when all the friendly and cheerful company (as if returned from the resort) comes back with Steven.

Steven, thank God, looks normal, without visible bruises or cuts, but also he looks very sad. Of course, do not like killing and just witness a dozen of it.

But Steven understands that this was necessary, so he ignores the corpse near the car and climbs into the back seat without words, honoring Peridot with a faint smile.

"Are we going back?" Amethyst asks cheerfully, when everyone except Peridot, Pearl and she plunged into the van. Apparently, once Ruby is here, the decided not to blow up the building...

"We're going, but..." Peridot points to the hole in her boot, and Pearl snorts irritably. "Yes, you're driving."

"Oh... Funny, none of us is injured, although we arranged a good fire there, but you were left here alone, and you were shot. Typical Peridot." Amethyst laughs, but gives Peridot a hand, helping to get into the car and leaving Pearl at the driver's seat. "When was the last time they broke down?"

"Mmm. About three years ago, probably. I don't remember. I don't break them so often to change every six months, so Pearl could make her face less grumpy. But now you have to drag me to the apartment, I don't want to go there in my arms. I can, of course, but I want to sleep so much, that I'll rather stay asleep in the car than crawl to the house myself."

Amethyst pats her shoulder, and the car starts moving, leaving the abandoned building behind. Steven is dozing on Garnet's shoulder, and Peridot wants to sleep on someone's shoulder too.

Lapis’ would be perfect.

Lapis, by the way, at this time drank a fifth cup of tea, nervously tapping the spoon on the table. Clearly, this is not a quick thing, but the lack of news scares and alarms.

Star's phone rings loudly, and Lapis shivers.

Star looks at the screen with a grin, but her eyes soon soften and warm.

"They're going home. Everything is good."

The message Jack goes along with proving this selfie from the car, and, even everyone look tired, everyone's expression is pretty happy.

"Guess who managed to get a bullet even without participating in the operation?" Star laughs, flipping the message further.

Lapis chokes with tea. Really, who could it be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm alive. Have 9 more chapters in native. Just feel lazy ><


	7. 7.

The noise of the approaching car is almost not audible, and only when joyful and irritated exclamations on the first floor are heard, everyone understands, that the they came back and came back with a victory. If it were not for Jack, permanently posting in the group chat "we almost arrived", "well, almost-almost", "we see the house" and "home, sweet home!", sitting in a cafe-bar Sadie and Co would not have known that they can stop drink the sixth cup of tea and can calm down.

"That was easy~" Jack yawns and smiles, and Star just nods, warmly embracing her right in the middle of the hall. Easy or not, but there is always a chance that someone will just not come back one day. Jack buries her nose in Star's collar and doesn't want to move at all.

Lapis notices sleepy Steven, holding on to Garnet's sleeve, and nods to him affably, receiving a weak smile in return. Steven had a disgustingly long day, and all he wants now is to close in the room until tomorrow morning. No one contradicts this desire, and what for, he, when he wants, will ask someone to talk to him. In the meantime, he needs rest.

"Oh, Lapis!" Amethyst cheerfully waves her hand, holding with her the second hand limping and swearing under her nose Peridot. "Here, now it is your responsibility. Great, that now I can not do this."

Lapis incomprehensibly tilts her head, and Amethyst joyfully shoves Peridot into her hands, and, saluting, goes to do her own businesses. Lapis, somehow holding Peridot by the shoulders, tries to understand what in this situation should be done first. The memory that Peridot has a bullet in her foot comes almost immediately.

"Alright, let's go to the doctor..." she says, but Peridot shakes her head.

"No, doctor won't help here. Let's go home, I'll clarify the situation to you..."

Considering how many situations Peridot has already clarified, Lapis is not even surprised, only helping her to limp up to the apartment and sit on the bed. Peridot sighs with relief, finally having the opportunity to relax after almost a day of wakefulness, but the desire to tell Lapis something important does not allow her to just close her eyes and fall asleep. Peridot looks at the bullet pierced boot and sighs.

"Okay. If you are interested, why I don't wriggle with pain and don't yell "doctor!", then the easiest way is to show you."

Peridot leans over, taking off her shoes, and Lapis doesn't see a trace of blood on the striped-green toe. But she clearly sees a dark little hole, clearly deep, and perhaps through. Peridot silently pulls down her socks and frowns, inspecting the damage caused by the bullet. Then she rolls her pants to her knees, and Lapis freezes with her mouth open.

Peridot is silent, giving Lapis time to consider everything. Not every day you see a person who, instead of the normal legs of blood and flesh, has steel prostheses to the knees, like in some fucking movie about cyborgs. And although they look more or less like ordinary legs, but still, it's a steel.

Lapis tries to understand how she did not notice this before. Nothing creaked or rang while walking, and in a sleep... Hell, on the first night they, of course, slept in the same bed, but they were both very drunk. And all the following days Peridot came home to sleep only in the daytime, without undressing, and if she undressed, then only in the bathroom, leaving already completely dressed.

Peridot shakes the broken foot and sighs, grimacing.

"It was high time to change this, but I didn't plan to do it today. And most likely we don't have any spare... Eh, I'll have to crawl and ask Pearl to find time for me...”

Lapis closes and opens her mouth to say something, but doesn't know from what tot start.

"And... How long have you had them?" She finally says, sitting down in front of Peridot and touching the cool steel with her fingers.

"From... eh..." Peridot squints, trying to remember the exact date or age. “From ten years. Yes exactly. Exactly at the age of ten, I was got the first. Before that, I had to jump on crutches like a disabled rabbit.”

Lapis sits next to her on the bed, feeling that now she will hear something important and interesting.

"Accident?" Lapis carefully asks, to which Peridot snorts very sadly.

“Birth. I wasn't lucky already in the womb. Was born... Defective. My parents decided to leave me in the hospital.  From there to the orphanage, where the "freak" me was humiliated by everyone. It was not fun, but somehow it went through. And then…”

Peridot takes a deep breath.

"And then Homeworld took me from there. They gave me the opportunity to walk in exchange for my blind devotion and the belief that they make the world a better place. I was ten, I was a child who was accepted for the first time, and allowed to run and jump. Contrary to what you might think, they treated me... normal. Of course, trainings were even more severe than trying to escape from assholes in the orphanage, but, as you can see, I survived them. I didn’t have a particularly important post there. I was trained as a killer, and in terms of preparations Homeworld is always patient. They didn't let me shoot after a couple of lessons with a gun.”

"As a killer since ten years old?!"  Lapis asks hoarsely, and Peridot again grins, looking at the ceiling.

"Don't be so surprised. I was ten, and someone from five was taught to kill rabbits and cats. Homeworld is cruel, but children don't understand this, the children think that they are doing everything right. Blindly follow those who extended a helping hand. Brainwashing, all this stuff. I also trained on cats. Then on the children who bullied me, picking up and hiding the crutches, making me crawl and look for them. Their begging on knees didn't touch me at all, and would not touch now. And before you say now that I'm an awful monster, tell me, do you think people who mock disabled are decent and deserve compassion? I don't think so. Now, remembering this, I don't even regret it. Perhaps, having grown up, these bastards would go and cut out someone's family for a purse.”

Lapis listens to this confession and feels a chill running down her back. Peridot, who saved her from suicide several days ago, seems to have killed many in her life. And, the strangest thing for Lapis is that she doesn't get to blame her for that. A hunted child carrying out orders to be able to walk.

"In the end, I grew up to my first assignment. I was... Fifteen years. My prostheses were changed to new ones, so that there were no errors. Then they gave me personal weapon and an order. Find and kill. They gave a photo of the victim. My heart didn't even flinch. On the picture two people were smiling - a long-haired man and a five-year-old boy holding his hand. Diamond, who personally gave me the assignment, said that my goal is a boy. A man is not important, I can kill him if I want to. The main thing is a boy. Do you want to guess what his name was?”

Peridot smiles, looking at discouraged Lapis.

"Was and is now. Steven Quartz Universe."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to translate a chapter per day. So expect a chapter tomorrow and the day after :3


	8. 8.

"Steven Quartz Universe. The answer why I'm here now. My first and failed assignment in Homeworld. My lifebuoy from the ocean of mud, in which I had floundered before and almost drowned.”

Peridot smiles, and this smile doesn't look sad any more. It looks happy. Lapis listens with bated breath. Judging by the fact that Steven is alive and healthy, it's not difficult to guess the end of the story, but Lapis seems that it's not so simple.

"Everything started well enough. I was an inconspicuous teenager, which no one would have suspected of anything. I came to the playground, where Steven was playing in the sand. I had no idea why it was impossible to entrust the case to the sniper, why this particular child and what was so special about him. I just ... Did what they said. I came and looked around. I decided first to win his trust, not to shoot right in the middle of the playground. His father was not around. I walked over, sat down on the bench beside him and, in the usual tone, asked Steven what a kid does here alone and where his parents are. Steven turned to me and smiled, and then said that he was not alone, and his family was there. Well, they really were there ... I didn't have time even to blink, as I was already twisted and dragged somewhere, lulled on the road so that I wouldn't fight back. I could, perhaps, be able to fight off one person, but there were two of them, and they were more experienced. Pearl and Amethyst. Two bastards, who, fortunately, were told to "drag in for interrogation", and not to "kill immediately". Pearl was twenty at the time, Amethyst was eighteen. I, a fifteen-year-old, didn’t even have time to squeak.”

Peridot climbs on the bed, laying on the pillow and placing her hands behind her head. These memories burn memory and warm the soul at the same time.

"When I woke up, I was sitting in the cell for interrogation. Well, not really sitting. While I was unconscious, they unscrewed my prostheses and I had to freeze my ass on the cold floor, not being able to even get settled normally. Well, at least they didn't beat my almost dead body. Although, sometimes, when we go to a bar with Pearl, I always have the feeling that while I'm in a state of unconscious log, Pearl trains on me... Erm, okay. I woke up without my legs, with my hands tied and with the muzzle of a gun in front of my face. God, Pearl had a bloody habit of threatening everyone with a pistol, I'm so glad she doesn't do this now...”

Lapis remembers cold and balanced Pearl and can not help smiling, imagining how she rushed with a gun back and forth, threatening everyone.

"Of course, they tried to talk me through, but, as Homeworld taught, I just did not say anything. They wanted to give me back to them in exchange for information, but ... As you can see, it did not work out. Garnet contacted one of the Diamonds through the speakerphone so that I too could hear what they were talking about. I thought that they would not leave me, they would return me. A naive child. Diamond said... That... "This piece of garbage has already done her real job, just the one that we sent her to." And at that moment somewhere there was an explosion. The connection with the Diamond was interrupted. Amethyst, who came in a couple of minutes into the room, happily reported that "Garnet as always was right" and that my prostheses safely exploded somewhere on the street, at a safe distance from the base."

Peridot knocks on the cold metal prosthesis. This story she tells for the first time. For ten years there was nobody to tell something like that.

"As you can guess, the Diamond's plan was just make me their hostage, and, at the same time, a subversive device. In those new prostheses, which I received just before the assignment, they also stuffed bombs. The devil knows how. It didn't bother me then, all I could think of was "what a fool I am." I was just used as cannon fodder, and I could not even cope with it, huh. Pearl offered to shoot me, so I did not suffer, but Garnet, like Rose Quartz before her, came up with the idea that I can be… fixed. That I, who lost everything for the second time, I can still be... Useful and good. I was... Let's just say, I didn't care. How to work, what to do, what's the difference, if all the same, everyone will use me. I was not allowed to shoot myself, by the way, I once tried. It's funny, but I was no longer trained as a killer. Apparently, they realized that that wasn't my true power. Pearl decided to teach me programming and various hacking, and also opening locks. Well, we also sometimes went to shoot when I was given new prostheses and finally believed that I wouldn’t immediately point the gun at someone from the Gems. I knew that I would not have another chance, and even if I managed to escape and return to Homeworld, I would not have been accepted as a hero."

"And you stayed here?" Lapis finally asks, lying down next to Peridot.

 "Lose everything." Now she knows what Peridot meant at that moment. She really knows what it's like.

"As you see. Over time, I realized that everything is completely different, and I managed to get used to such life. A few years later, Star joined us. She was looking after me in Homeworld and was sincerely glad that I was alive. Then Jack came, who for Star would kill anyone, even Diamond. My life has improved, and now I know for sure that no one will send me on a mission to use me as a bait. So, Lazuli...  You still badly want to die?"

Lapis smiles. Huh. Now, after hearing this, the desire to jump off the bridge seems to her a crime and a very, very stupid decision. Peridot went through this and stayed alive... Although...

"You said you wanted to shoot yourself, am I right?"

Peridot snorts.

"I wanted to, but Garnet hit me in the face and promised that everything will be better. And it has become. And for you, it will become better too. I'll try to make it happen."

And Lapis seems that it will be so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay, sad flashbacks! xD


	9. 9.

Of course, Lapis has to look after Peridot, because no one could get the second prosthesis for her from the air.  Peridot grumbles that she can handle everything herself and this is not the first time, but sometimes she is quite not against help. Lapis is different from Pearl or Amethyst, who in the intervals between helping would tease her for being a "true clod".

Those few days that Peridot jumps on one foot and curses through her teeth, she almost never leaves the apartment, spending hours with a laptop or just lying in bed. As a fighter, she is useless without a led, and her hacking knowledge was needed only a couple of times on this week. Between the Gems and Homeworld there is a strange silence, and everyone feels both good and anxious. It's like a silence before the storm, which is ready to kill everything in its path.

Lapis finally can accurately and with confidence say - Peridot's eyes are light blue, and, as it turned out, very sensitive to light. She wears practical sunglasses all day long, it's already a habit, even if the room is dark. And without them she sees very little. Peridot wants to correct this by surgery, but so far there is no time for it. After such a surgery she will not be able to approach equipment or engage in firefights for a long time, and she can’t allow this.

Lapis discovers, among other things, that in her sleep Peridot loves to embrace everything, whether it's a pillow, a blanket or Lapis herself. Lapis doesn't mind. After nights alone, simple embraces seem to be something very warm and pleasant. Lapis constantly has a thought "hey, you almost legally gave your life in Peridot's hands", and arrange scandals like "don't touch me" seems to Lapis really stupid idea. They are adults who, despite the apparent sympathy for each other, just have not yet discussed the boundaries of their relationship. And Lapis in fact really doesn't want to try it, because she is afraid that it will put some frameworks, some invisible boundaries.

As it was with Jasper.

_"You're dating ME, why did you go out with someone else?"_

_"I'm your girlfriend, and I have the right to forbid you something."_

_"Don't you DARE to talk with this woman."_

Lapis doesn't want to remember this, and even more doesn't want to remember that she too could forbid a lot for Jasper. These relations were the anchor for both of them, and Lapis really wants Jasper to forget about her forever and ever. Her life now is an attempt number two, an attempt that takes into account all the mistakes of the past.

By the end of the week, Pearl brings a second prosthesis for Peridot, strongly recommending do not run at least a day, and Peridot solemnly swears to not do this, although she really wants just to rush somewhere right now. Pearl sighs and turns to Lapis. Pearl's attitude toward her became a little warmer because of Steven, but still remained detached.

"Please don't let her break anything. Or I'll break her bones."

Lapis promises to watch after her. Peridot shows the tongue and the middle finger.

In another day, when the new prosthesis is already feels as conveniently as the old one, Peridot offers Lapis a walk. To go somewhere to celebrate her new prosthesis, and just walk around, because Lapis already doesn't remember when she went out of the building.

This venture is both nice and awful. Because thoughts, fuck them, can materialize.

Lapis likes a bar, that is close to the outskirts of the city, at first sight. It is similar to the one where she met Peridot, but it has less noise, tastier drinks and lighter. And part of the evening is really great, almost like a real date, with conversations about anything and flirting with each other. Lapis seems that this evening can be continued at home. But leaving the bar, they freeze on spot, and Peridot puts her hand on the hilt of the gun, grinning like a wild beast.

Jasper looks at them with a grin and jokingly raises her hands up. She is alone, and although she has her gun with her, she doesn’t have the mood to shot. She has completely different business here, but simply go away just isn't in her style.

"Lapis!" Jasper says ignoring Peridot, and Lapis takes a step back, feeling a shiver run through her body. "I didn't know you hired a bodyguard. A... Peridot. An old model of peridot."

"Please note that I'm only twenty-five," Peridot snorts, not removing her hand from the gun. "What have you doing here?"

"It's none of your business, shorty. We both know that nobody will praise us for fighting here, so don't bother me. Lapis, why do you need this bug? Or rather... Peridot, are you sure you can... Handle Lapis?"

Peridot lifts her eyebrows in confusion.

"I don't need to be handled," Lapis hissed through clenched teeth, clenching her fists painfully and trying to drive away the fear. Fear of breaking down. "It's all in the past, Jasper. You're in the past. Go, and we'll go our own way too."

Jasper smirks and "politely" steps aside, pointing with her hands like "of course, run away".

Lapis doesn't look into her eyes, but she knows for sure that they are all the same, amber-burning, cruel... Becoming completely different, if you press on the right points. Lapis grabs Peridot's palm of his hand, hearing Jasper's mocking laugh.

"Remember, Peridot. When Lapis gets bored, she will break you, and still come back. I know.”

Peridot doesn't turn around, holding Lapis' trembling hand tightly and walking past Jasper.

"We will see."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy almost new year guys <3


	10. 10.

The night park is completely empty, and a couple of lanterns don't give this place any sense of security. Lonely benches and flashing lights remind a place where a lonely girl would come, wanting to cut the road to her house, and fall into the cruel hands of a killer.

Lapis tries to get distracted from the thoughts of meeting with Jasper, and with a faint smile thinks that the killer would not be happy, if he attack someone like Peridot. Most likely, he would receive a bullet in the forehead, or, at best, an iron prosthesis between legs.

Peridot sits down on the bench, patting in the seat next to her. She knows perfectly well what Jasper was talking about, but it doesn't make it any easier. Peridot almost learned all the dossiers on Lapis, which Gems managed to gather, re-read several times, catching on the lines "uncontrolled aggression" and "taking sedatives."

Relationships with Jasper were killing them both. And it is not clear who caused more harm to another, and whether there were any light feelings at least at the very beginning.

But of course, Peridot won't say "I know your life story perfectly, you can not say anything." About such things one must either say, or don't touch it at all.

Lapis puts head on Peridot's shoulder, burying her nose in the pleasant fabric of her suit. She doesn't want to talk.

"I will not return to the person I used to be. I know it."

In any case, she really wants to and will try, despite how much she wants to just forget and throw away what happened in the past. But to learn from your own mistakes is important.

Peridot strokes her on the back and hopes for the best.

They sit in silence for a few minutes, just enjoying the night warm breeze, but an unexpected phone call makes them shiver and flinch from each other. Unpleasant chill runs along Peridot's back. Usually no one calls her, everyone uses SMS or chat, and she warned that she will leave and come perhaps only in the morning. But the phone rings non-stop, and Peridot presses on "answer" with strange alarming forebodings.

"Peridot, come back immediately. Doesn't matter how. Steal a car or I don't know. Something bad happened, I'll explain everything when you're here."

To hear from Pearl "steal a car" means that everything is really very shitty. Pearl, having matured and grown wiser, tried to solve the problems of the organization as unobtrusively as possible, so that there would be less problems and quarrels with the police or accidental witnesses.

Peridot rubs her eyes and doesn't lose time, hiding her phone back in pocket and pulling Lapis by the hand to the nearest road. Problems - it's bad, but she can't miss such a chance and such permission for a small lawlessness action. She just frowns and points the gun at the first driver who comes across and promises to return his car in a couple of days. The driver likes this layout more than having a bullet in his head, although Peridot would never shoot an unarmed person without special reasons.

"Sorry," Lapis apologizes instead of Peridot, sitting at the front seat.

In the group chat there is a red "attention" sign and a deathly silence, and Peridot remembers that it is the third time in ten years. She drives on the highway ignoring most of the rules, and Lapis hooks into the seat belt, which, she thinks, wouldn't help if Peridot doesn't press the brake in time. But Peridot is a great driver. Amethyst sometimes jokes that it would be better for Peridot to have an official driver's position, not a hacker, and especially not a killer.

Lapis knows Peridot not for long, but she didn't see such a concerned face even when Steven was kidnapped. Now, even if Peridot is wearing glasses, Lapis can still recognize what she is feeling right now. Peridot squeezes the steering wheel to the pinched knuckles, and presses the accelerator pedal, slipping on red traffic light, frightening people crossing the road.

They are at home in a record twenty minutes that Peridot seem to be an eternity when she runs into the living room and encounters an even pale than usual Pearl. Pearl gives a sigh of relief, seeing both Peridot and Lapis safe and sound. In the living room there is no one else.

"What happened?" Peridot asks hoarsely, looking around. No sign of an invasion or attack. But the atmosphere is cold and disgusting.

"Today was a meeting with Homeworld about Steven's kidnapping." Pearl says calmly, but with a distinct tremor in her voice. “Homeworld stated that this was not their initiative, and wanted to talk about it. Star and Jack volunteered to go. Star is well versed in the evidence, lies and so on, and Jack decided to guard her. You never know what they have in mind. Apparently, Aquamarine and the two Topaz sisters came to the meeting. We don't yet know who to blame, but...”

Pearl sighs heavily, sitting down on one of the sofas. Peridot remains standing, and Lapis is sure that behind the glasses her eyes reflect something between fear and anger.

"Someone from the bar's visitors dragged a grenade with them. The result is seven corpses and twelve wounded. Star and Jack are alive. Aquamarine and one of Topaz are dead. Star in serious condition, Jack has already woken up. According to her, she heard a ringing, as if something had fallen, and when she realized what it was, it was already late. The grenade had to fall just under their table, but judging by the records from the cameras someone stumbled and kicked it away. This accident saved Zircons lives. One of Topazes at this moment left to bring Aquamarine her drink, and this saved her life too. It all happened several hours ago. I remembered that you also went to the bar, so I hurried to warn you, because something is going on. Someone encroaches on us, and at Homeworld, and this has never happened. Garnet is on the line with the Diamonds, and, no matter how disgusted this idea is, it seems Garnet wants to investigate this matter together.”

Peridot listens silently, but on the last sentence she terribly wants to punch her fist against the wall, or shoot at the ceiling, or do something that will help cope with anger.

"TOGETHER?! Did it ever occur to her that they had arranged this? They have a lot like Aquamarine and Topaz. Just make everything look as an attempt to harm both sides and that's all, no one will think that they're responsible."

Peridot knows that Homeworld can easily abandon those who were once called "one of us". She knows that Diamonds aren't really worried about employees. She felt it on her own skin.

Pearl looks at her with ice in her eyes.

"Aquamarine was _important_ for Homeworld. They would send someone else if they had to put everything like that. Times change, Peridot. Homeworld, of course, didn't approach the good side even by a millimeter, but they stopped using such dirty tricks. Calm down. We must wait until Garnet decides.”

Swearing under her breath, Peridot walks past Pearl, leaving her with Lapis.

"I'll be in the hospital department. Want to talk with Jack, if she can."

Pearl doesn't stop her, but seeing that Lapis takes a step forward to follow her, doesn't let her do it.

"Sit down. We need to talk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still alive xD


	11. 11.

"Just try not to make noise," Sapphire's voice is quiet and calm, but Peridot notices a slight tremor in her hands and a full bucket of bloodied bandages and gloves. "I pulled out all the shards and did what I could, nothing threatens their lives. Star will wake up."

Peridot only nods, looking at the hunched back of Jack, who sits at the bunk with a sterile white robe over her shoulders. Sapphire gave Peridot the same robe and went out to look for a cup of coffee after an exhausting operation. The lives of patients are no longer threatened, and Sapphire, perhaps, will allow herself a nap for an hour or two.

Jack doesn't notice Peridot, until she touches her. She was told to stay in bed, but even through the infernal pain in the body, she couldn't do it longer than half an hour.

"Oh, Peridot ..." Jack says softly, trying not to strain her bandaged neck. "I'm glad you're all right. Apparently, nobody but us got hurt."

Jack has several cuts on her face, her hands and throat are tied, but Star on the bunk in front of them looks much worse. Even though her condition is already stable and she will wake up, no one can tell them when exactly this will happen. Star was lucky to stay alive, but was not lucky to lose a lot of blood.

"Any idea who it was?" Peridot asks, and Jack shakes her head, never taking her eyes from Star's pulse on the small screen.

"I don’t know, but when I find out, it's better for them to be dead by that time."

For Jack Star is the only person for whom she is ready to kill anyone indiscriminately, and Peridot can understand her. Once Star helped her too, when she, being still a stupid child, only learned to keep a gun. Always found words of support, and was sincerely glad to know that Peridot remained alive after that failed mission. Peridot frowns, remembering Pearl's words. Aquamarine was _important_. And they had enough people like Peridot. And like Pearl, too. If it really wasn't Homeworld, then, who the hell, who.

"Damn it all..." Jack hisses, not holding back tears that flowed from her eyes. "What an awful bodyguard am I, since I'm practically all right..."

Judging by all the bandages, she's definitely not all right, but Peridot doesn't say that.

"But you're a good wife."

Jack sniffs and smiles weakly.

"I'll ask for a vacation soon I think."

***

Lapis had already learned not to turn her eyes away from Pearl's gaze, and now she looks into her eyes, even without the idea of what Pearl wanted to talk about with her.

"Relax," Pearl sighs, covering her tired eyes. "All of that is not your problem."

Lapis want to say that she's already a part of this, but Pearl interrupts her.

"Don't think that if Peridot cares about you, then you are one of us. Here everyone has a role, and yours does not seem very important. But I didn't ask you to stay for this. Peridot, undoubtedly, has become attached to you, and Steven shows sympathy for you, and others too. It's unlikely that anyone will want to drag you into what will happen. It is not known whether this base will remain safe. I'm going to take Steven and some others to a safe place, which only Rose and I knew about. Away from everything. If you want, we can take you with us. It will be a sensible decision, don't you think so?”

"Are you asking me to run away?"

"I suggest you stay safe and sound. We don't know what will happen, and I don't think that in case of an attack we will have additional forces to protect those who can’t fight for themselves.”

Pearl's voice is indifferent and not at all sarcastic for such a choice of words. She really says what she considers true, without implying any hidden reproaches. And Lapis is really hurt from the realization that this is all truth, and if Peridot will get hurt, protecting her, she will not forgive herself for this. But she just doesn't want to run away without even trying to help her somehow.

"I need to discuss this with Peridot," she finally answers, realizing that this will only postpone the decision.

Pearl sighs, but nods in agreement.

"I think Peridot will have the same opinion as me. Maybe she sometimes behaves like a child who urgently decides that she needs a puppy, but she knows how to be responsible.”

Lapis doesn’t answer her, leaving in their with Peridot room where she falls down on the bed and grumbles irritably. The evening was so good, and it was necessary to be spoiled first by Jasper, and then by this incident. And now, it seems, one more such evening will not come soon.

She doesn't want to run away from problems. She wants to pay for the second chance given, she wants to do something that somehow will help. But how to help, when the situation is not clear? Lapis turns on her back, looking at the ceiling.

_Everything is so shitty._

Peridot comes back in an hour, throwing off her jacket and boots on the floor near the bed, and gently places her pistol on the nightstand. Lapis notices that this is the first time when Peridot first pulls it out of its holster, and then puts it next to her.

Falling on the bed next to Lapis, Peridot wants only one thing - sleep. And that in the morning everything magically becomes as before. But such magic doesn’t exists, and Peridot just silently pulls Lapis closer, nuzzling in blue hair and very, very much wants to fall asleep.

Lapis can't start talking about plans like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hoi I'm alive  
> I had this chapter for a long time in native but wasn't motivated to translate it


	12. 12.

The morning begins early, and, unfortunately, without cuddles under the blanket, and even without breakfast in bed. But, fortunately, without the siren calling for evacuation. When Lapis wakes up, Peridot drinks already the second mug of strong coffee, walking back and forth in a small kitchen. Her glasses lie on the table, and in the pale blue eyes a great fatigue is read.

"Hi," Lapis says, barely audibly, as she passes into the kitchen and pours a cup of coffee to herself. "Any news?"

Peridot shakes her head. She habitually made several sandwiches for breakfast, but she doesn't feel hungry. She doesn't even want to look at food.

"Pearl wants to temporarily take Steven and several others away," Peridot says, shaking the rest of the coffee in the mug. "I think this idea is dangerous. Maybe it's safer here than somewhere in the city or outside. The base is well protected. But Pearl thinks that if something happens, you need to immediately hide Steven. I can understand her, but she hurries events. I don't want to admit it, but if it's not Homeworld, then it's safer to sit here. They will not send a nuclear strike on us, and no other organizations will do this either. We, in a sense, are beneficial to everyone. Our existence restrains Homeworld in check, and, at the same time, we are dealing with things Homeworld can't deal with. We are like two sides of the same coin.”

Knowing how much Peridot hates Homeworld, Lapis understands that these words weren’t so easy to say.

"Pearl asked if I would like to go with them..." she says quietly, looking away to avoid Peridot's tired blue eyes. Peridot smiles tiredly, looking into her mug.

"And what did you say to her?"

"That I need to think. I don't want to run and hide so easily. I want to help somehow. If not all of you, then at least you."

Peridot's lips represent a sort of smile. She is pleased, but at the same time scared. About Lapis' life, about her own life, about everything in general. Peridot rarely was afraid of something, it seemed to her that the most terrible thing had happened in the orphanage, and now everything is just nothing. And for ten years with the Gems she had to fall into rather difficult situations, but they always knew about what was going on. Now the enemy was unknown, and this frightened worse than the pistol attached to the throat.

"Thank you. I would like you to stay as long as we are investigating. Garnet will convince Pearl not to leave yet, but if necessary - go. With Pearl it will be safer than with me if we get in trouble."

Peridot puts aside an empty mug, still not thinking of touching the food. It is seven in the morning, the chat still in a dead silence from yesterday. The most awful thing is to wait for instructions and not know what to do. And even worse, to realize that Star has not woken up yet, otherwise Jack would have already write about this in the chat, adding that "if you all come here as a crowd, I'll shoot all of you."

Lapis absolutely doesn't want to touch food too, but the stone seems to fall from her chest. Peridot doesn't want her to leave. It feels nice. Lapis gets up from the table, setting aside a half-empty cup, and stands before Peridot, finally looking into her eyes. A rare case of catching her without glasses, as if she is wearing them not only to protect the eyes from the light, but also as a barrier between herself and people, so as not to look anyone in the face. Well, and also to cover the shadows under her eyes, left by the lack of sleep and eternal nervousness.

Lapis moves forward, placing her hands on the kitchen counter behind Peridot, and briefly presses their lips together. It's not the time for kissing, she knows it, but it's more of a comforting gesture, something like her way of expressing "I'm here and I will stay here." Peridot breaks the kiss first, rubs her nose against Lapis warm neck, and very much wants to read a message "we caught our enemies, everything is good" in the chat.

The message comes. But only with a different text.

_"The gathering of the attacking group at noon. We have important news."_

Peridot is very happy that she has Lapis next to her now. Otherwise, she would have definitely broken something. For example, a fist against a wall.

But Peridot only clings to Lapis' plaid shirt, heavily sighing. Everything is still ahead.

***

Peridot doesn't like the plan and everything else. Absolutely. On the one hand, this plan is almost ideal, and on the other hand its failure can cause several more deaths, including Peridot's.

"I don't understand why we should agree to this," she says through clenched teeth, pacing back and forth in the meeting hall and struggling with the urge to kick something. The desire to kick something in general is always very strong, but it can never be done, especially in front of Pearl, otherwise the prosthesis will not be in repair, but in her ass. "And why did you bring the enemy here?"

Peridot throws an angry glance at the short girl in red standing next to Garnet. Curly dark hair, tanned skin, and an innocent expression of her face, as if she chose a wrong door, and found herself at the gathering of a criminal organization by chance, in fact thinking of coming to a children's party.

"Because if I don't tell you all this personally, tomorrow a couple of shells from the anti-tank rifle will arrive at your windows, getting to absolutely random places. It will be lucky if no one will be hurt...” The girl spreads her hands and giggles, causing Peridot (and not only Peridot) to have nervous tic. "Diamonds offer you a truce before the end of this situation, can we just work according to plan once, and then hate each other as usual?"

"And I have to believe you? What kind of agent are you? Double? Triple?" Peridot finally sits in an armchair next to Ruby, who already has a whole bunch of broken pencils and pens under her feet. It seems, they are both enraged by this cunning smile.

"Peridot." Garnet interrupts. She is the most tired of all present, the night passed for her without sleep, in negotiations and proposals, developing a plan and other things. "Either you agree to this plan, or someone else will take your place. We have no other choice. You need to choose."

A few minutes pass in silence.

"Fine. I will do it. But if something happens to _her_ , I personally will knock your brains out."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ufff. ~4 chapters till the end I think.


	13. 13.

When Peridot says that she got a job for them, on which Lapis doesn't have to just sit in the corner and wait until everything is over, Lapis is happy, as she wasn't happy for a long time. She doesn't need to leave with Pearl and Steven. She can stay.

Peridot collects a minimum of things - a gun on her side and a laptop in a bag and asks Lapis not to take a lot with her. They will have everything on the spot, it is necessary only to come there, and there they will decide how they will work, and what task Lapis will do. They don't rush, but Lapis notices nervousness and slight irritation in Peridot movements. Understandable. Star hasn't woken up yet, some shit happens around them. Anyone would go crazy.

Before going out, they come across Garnet, who gives instructions to the rest of the people, and Garnet, touching Lapis' shoulder, says that everything will be alright. Peridot snorts. It would be nice if everything goes as planned. Would be really nice.

"We'll ride a motorcycle, it will be faster," says Peridot, and in a few minutes returns on a brilliant black motorcycle, looking incredibly cool. More precisely, it would be even cooler if the motorcycle wasn't many times larger than the Peridot, who looks like a child, which decided to take her parents' bike. "No helmets, sorry, last time I... That's a long story. Let's go."

Peridot's manner of riding a motorcycle, as it turned out, is different from the manner of driving an ordinary car. Peridot drives smoothly and tries not to outrun cars, looks around, and only when they are on an almost empty road, leading according to Peridot to the second base, she gains some speed, forcing Lapis to cling to her more tightly.

"You know..." Peridot says loudly, to shout over wind. "I very much want to drive past the base, and past everything, and just go with you to the beach. Or in the mountains. Somewhere to rest, only two of us. But…"

Lapis knows what is behind this "butUnbounded gratitude to those who pulled her out of that hell where she lived, and the inability to just forget about everything that they did for her. Lapis feels it all to Peridot. Second chance at life, given to her, was even better than what was before damn desire to rush under the train. Strangely, Peridot was able to return her desire to wake up in the morning, do something, be with someone, give warmth, and not just take it. And they are not even in any official relations. Just two people who sometimes behave like an old married couple, and sometimes they just can not see each other for days.

"As soon as all this is over, let's go somewhere," suggests Lapis, feeling Peridot straining.

"If everything goes well... If not, I'll just kill them all..." Peridot mumbles under her breath, but Lapis doesn't hear it. On the next lane in parallel with them the car and one more motorcycle rides, terribly noisy, and when they burst forth, Lapis exhales with relief, but only for a few seconds.

Peridot sharply brakes a motorcycle, somehow keeping it from falling, and growls.

"This is not according to plan ..." Lapis hears.

Before them there are a small and time-worn van, and a motorcycle. Both drivers are wearing helmets, and they are clearly unfriendly, stopped to say not just "hello."

"What the fuck do you need?!" Peridot snarls, snatching her pistol. "Get out, while I'm in a good mood."

The pistol in Peridot's hand trembles, and people in black helmets are silent, as if waiting for the right moment for...

For what exactly, Lapis doesn't understand. Her body weakens, tends to sleep, and she falls into Peridot's hands, who notices a dart with tranquilizer too late.

"Shit ..." Peridot says, holding Lapis with one hand, while the other still directs the pistol at the people. People do the same.

"Now give her to us..." says the driver of the van, and Peridot seems that she has already heard this voice. But what the fucking difference?

"Yeah, you wish..."

The driver of the motorcycle shrugs and without any hesitation presses the trigger of the pistol. The bullet crashes into the shoulder, causing the weapon to drop, but with second hand Peridot still holds Lapis' insensible body, although doing this with every second becomes more difficult. The second bullet hits the chest, and Peridot falls.

"I thought you wouldn't kill her..." the driver of the van laughs and another person puts Lapis on the seats in the van.

"That's personal. Go, I'll check if she's alive, and, may be, kill her for sure."

The van leaves, and the motorcycle driver reloads the gun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugggh. I really sorry for short chapters and for such huge delaying. Life being a jerk for me these months T_____T


	14. 14.

Lapis regains consciousness after a couple of hours, and several minutes passes before she gets rid of dizziness and finally understands where she is. Although, to understand where she is is pretty easy. Lapis with horror and bitter sadness realizes that she knows this place. She's been here before, trying to fix her relationships with a person who was once dear.

But the worst thing is to realize that this time everything is different. There will no longer be heart-to-heart talks and tears.

"Oh, you're awake... I'm sorry I didn't ask you if you'd like to visit me."

Lapis clenches her teeth.

"Jasper. What the fuck. Where is Peridot?"

Jasper, holding a mug of coffee in her hand, shrugs, and Lapis shivers seeing a smile on her lips.

"I don't know. When I left, she was lying on the road with a bullet in her chest. My partner has stayed there, and it will be her decision, to kill her or... To kill anyway."

Lapis shudders and bites her lip. Jasper probably lies to confuse her. Peridot could not just surrender without a fight, and Jasper doesn't even have a single scratch. Peridot would start shooting immediately after seeing enemies.

"Don't believe me? Well, okay. Want some coffee?"

Jasper is friendly, but Lapis understands perfectly well that she is trying to hold her inner rage. Right now she most likely wants to punch someone, get a good fight or at least break a fist against the wall. Such a smile and such manners are peculiar to Jasper only when she feels really bad.

 _"Fuck you and your coffee, I'm going home"_ Lapis wants to say, but this will definitely lead to a flash of fury, to further screams and a fight. Lapis promised herself (and Peridot) that aggression remained in the past.

How she wants to believe that Peridot is fine. That Jasper is just a jerk and tries to assure her that no one will come to save her.

"Fine. I'd like to have some. And you will tell me why I had to be kidnapped."

"Kidnapped?" Jasper snorts, going to the kitchen. Lapis hears the ringing of mugs and spoons. "It's better to say that I'm saving you. Tonight, only the ruins will remain from the place where you stayed last weeks. And from Homeworld too. They all deserve it."

Jasper brings coffee - perfect, just like Lapis always does, and it only makes it more painful. After breaking up, such things should be forgotten, but sometimes they just... stay.

"What do you mean?" Lapis whispers and sees Jasper's bloodthirsty smile.

"I mean what I said. I have people who will arrange this. And I just don't want you to be hurt. You are the only one who is still dear to me. I thought there was a human in Homeworld, for whom I would forget you and give my life to her. But it turned out that she was no longer alive, and these fucking Crystal Bastards are to blame for this. But Homeworld didn't take revenge for this death, they have "a truce," and now they benefit from this death. Ha-ha! It was necessary to immediately shoot all the guilty, and they not only didn't touch them, they conduct negotiations. No, I don't like this. I came to Homeworld hoping to return the old days, but got a spit in the face.”

Jasper squeezes the mug so that it seems to break right now. Lapis understands almost nothing in this story, except that something terrible is coming. Are Gems ready for the attack? Peridot said that they all have a plan, and that they don't even think of fleeing and evacuating. But Jasper sounds so confident, as if she had already been told that everyone is ready and the assault will begin from minute to minute.

"In the past," Jasper continues, looking out the window. "Homeworld leaders had a daughter. I didn't know her real name, and none of the subordinates knew. Like everyone else, she had the code name Diamond, but she was not allowed to rule the organization. She was considered to be too soft and frivolous. But in order not to deprive her of the opportunity to command, she was allowed to recruit her team and do whatever she wanted with it. Then I first met her. I was kicked out from the military college for a fierce fight, and she took me along with other teenagers. The future could lead us only to jail, and she saves us. I was the only "Jasper". I was lucky that this is actually my real name, although I would not mind getting any other. But she said, "it suits you" and left it as a code. The rest of the team were either Ruby or Amethysts. She was more of an older sister than a leader. Everyone loved her, and then...

Jasper pauses. Amber eyes are filled with sadness and pain.

"Then she just disappeared. Our team never met with other Homeworld detachments, we were her own people. The other Diamonds simply dismissed us, saying that they had sent their daughter to lead departments abroad, and we, as test rats, can disperse. We didn't believe that we could be betrayed so easily, without any warning. But what could we do? We parted ways, and I tried to start a new life. A few years later I met you. I thought that even through all the disagreements that we had, we could be together. And then Homeworld found me. They needed agents, and I was a good candidate. And I... Well, you know what I did. I tried to take you with me. Admittedly, it was a pretty shitty idea. But I hoped that my Diamond has returned, that I could again be her best agent... And then, only by chance, I found out that she was dead, that Homeworld broke up a whole ten years ago. For ten years I was unaware that she was dead. All agents were just not allowed to say it out loud so that no one knew that this happened. But the worst thing, that the Diamonds didn’t send all their people to kill Gems. They arranged... Hell, they arranged almost a PIECE, how disgusting it sounds. The organization I came to, and which I thought was the perfect place, was a bunch of silent bastards. Today I will finish all this. Sorry, but your new friends will have to pay for what they did.”

Lapis thinks that it's time to run in panic, think how to help, how to escape, how to warn everyone, but... It is a few hours' drive from here to base, no phone, and engaging a fight with Jasper, when she is so angry that you can even see how she shakes - it's just suicide.

"And I thought I could start a new life..." she laughs bitterly, setting aside her coffee mug. "That, at last, I can relax and not think how to avoid everyday conflicts. But you decided that if you were betrayed and you were left alone, then you can just do the same with me. Great plan, Jasper. Well, now we are in the same boat, are you happy? I will lose a loved one, just like you. We will suffer together. Like the good old days. It's better to shoot me right away, you have a gun."

Tears come to her eyes, and Lapis thinks that all these weeks with the Gems were pointless. Everything came back to what it was before.

"We can start again..." Jasper tries to smile. "We can..."

She doesn't finish, because an explosion is heard behind the front door. They don't have time to react, and the next second they both are pressed to the floor, although Lapis is picked up in a couple of seconds.

"It's good that you're okay. Everything went exactly as we planned."


	15. 15.

"Can someone tell me what the hell is going on?"

Lapis sits in the car next to Amethyst, who nervously taps her fingers on the steering wheel and looks out the window on the house, where Pearl, Ruby and several Homeworld agents stayed. And Jasper too, the fate of whom shouldn't worry Amethyst at all, but it's still hard. Both of them were once pulled out of shit and dirt, and maybe they could meet in a better company. If not for many circumstances.

Amethyst just wants to go home, play table tennis with Steven or sleep under three blankets. But her friend's request is more important.

"Peridot asked me to give you this." She pulls out an envelope, handing it over to Lapis. "Don't ask me about this. Just read."

Loud noise comes from Jasper's apartment, but it quickly stops. Lapis unpacks the envelope, taking out a piece of paper and a bank card with her name on it. The letter is printed and folded in half.

"Hey, Lapis. If you read this, it means everything went according to plan, and we are both alive..."

Lapis exhales with relief. Peridot is alive, and only this delight and warm her heart. Jasper lied.

"... and most likely we won't see each other ever again, because now you have to read the whole truth, and I think you will choose the way I'm thinking about. I'm typing this stupid letter, but I know I should have told you all this personally. But now, according to plan, I'm probably lying on a hospital bed, and Sapphire is against my emotional talking with someone. So please read this letter and do as I ask you to.

Jasper threatened our base with her entire old guard, but she didn't know that there was already someone from Homeworld among her “friends”. Navy was one of Rubies before, who served to her Diamond with Jasper, but then she was taken to Homeworld. Such a cunning and cruel shit, a good agent for them. So. She reported to Homeworld that Jasper was going to make troubles for both sides. Jasper managed to steal important Homeworld documents. Diamonds, without thinking a lot, offered a deal. They give us the date and time of the raid so that we can shoot everyone before they blow our base, and we'll help them to find Jasper's secret place, where she probably keeps everything valuable. How did we know where Jasper had her place? We didn't, and it was necessary to find out as soon as possible. Jasper drags only the most important thing there, and then everyone realized that one of the most important things for her..."

Lapis bites her lip, slowly beginning to understand what this letter is leading to.

"... it's you, Lapis. Jasper still wants you back, if not by your will, then by force. And if she has a chance, she will do it. So that scene on the road, I don't know how you remembered it, was rigged. Navy was the second person, and according to the plan she was supposed to shoot me. I had a vest on, but to be honest, I'm not sure that she did just that. Maybe she even killed me, and you're reading this just because Crystal Clods decided you should know the truth. Jasper had to "eat the bait" and take you, and then, through the chip on your clothes, you were tracked, found and rescued. I hope it was like this, and you're okay.

I'm sorry we had to use you as a bait. We didn't have time to find better plan, we had to act quickly. If Jasper hurt you, I'll find out about it and choke her with my own hands. Forgive me for this. Take the card (I made it in advance, wanted to give it to you, but didn't have time), there is money that will be enough for you to start a completely new life. No more Jasper or the need to stay on base for days. Use this money as you want.

The time I spent with you was wonderful.

Best regards, Peridot."

Lapis re-reads the letter again. Puts the card in her pocket, and folds the letter several times, squeezing it in her hand.

"Where do you want to go now?" Amethyst asks calmly, but Lapis hears a worry in her voice.

Lapis takes a deep breath and exhales. A familiar desire to shout at someone or throw something appears in her chest. She wants to get out of the car and break her fists against the nearest tree. It takes a few minutes to calm down.

"To the... Airport," she whispers, leaning back against the seat and closing her eyes.

_Fuck everything._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaa almost done


	16. 16.

Peridot opens her eyes, and all she sees is a bright white light. The place smells of medicines and blood. Peridot sighs and frowns. This smell follows her from the orphanage, where she, being an object of bullying, often found herself in the hospital with blood from her nose or cuts on her hands, after she tried to crawl to the crutches hidden by someone. But this smell tells her that she is still alive. There will be no smell of fresh bandages in hell.

"Sorry I can't give you your glasses now," Sapphire says quietly. "And I can't turn off the lights, I still need to work."

Peridot closes her eyes, nodding. The shoulder and ribs ache noiselessly.

"How did everything go?" She asks in a whisper, trying to figure out how many bullets Sapphire had to pull out from her. She remembers getting two, and what happened next... all a blur.

Sapphire pushes back the papers, looking at Peridot, who looks just like Star recently.

"The "performance" was successful, though Navy decided that if we had a "truce", then she could give me some job, and you - a little vacation. You can't use your right hand for a while now, you had a bullet in a palm. As far as I can remember, you know how to use the left one?”

Peridot tries to move the fingers of her right hand and hisses with pain. The palm doesn't bend, the whole hand just doesn't want to move.

"That motherfucker... What about Lapis?"

"Judging by what they said to me, it went well, Amethyst took her where she asked. I think that you could postpone this conversation for a couple of days, instead of sending a letter.”

"So it was necessary", Peridot smiles, rejoicing that everything turned out as planned. "I think it's better for her."

Sapphire leans her cheek upon her hand, returning to the papers.

"You think so, but she might not. Okay, sleep now, you need rest. No sound for the next couple of hours."

Closing her eyes, Peridot thinks that it will be cold to sleep alone, and remembers where she put her second blanket.  

***

“You look like shit.”

Jack laughs, bumping into Peridot, whose hand is still in the bandages, but there's no point to stay in bed anymore. The main thing is not to overexert and not get into fights, and it will heal.

"Not shitier than someone's wife once."

"And that was rude," Jack slaps her shoulder and Peridot snarls with a smile. "Wanna come in?"

Jack nods at the entrance to their apartment, and Peridot sees no reason to refuse. She is bored as hell, and the aimless sitting in front of the laptop annoys more and more. Peridot passes into her neighbors' apartment, settles on the sofa, and only then notices Star, sitting opposite and buried in the book.

"Hey," Peridot says, and Star, startled, turns her attention to her. "Hi."

"Hello, Peridot," Star smiles. "Long time no see."

Star woke up on the same day when Peridot was found bleeding, and Sapphire sighed that "they can't live normally, one woke up, the second is going to die," and asked to call Jack, who almost started to turn gray already.

Star removes the book and Peridot sees a long scar coming from the neck to the left shoulder and chest. That explosion didn't pass without a trace, but at least left her alive.

“Long time, yeah. How’re you?”

"I will live. Jack said you got hurt too."

Peridot looks at the bandaged hand and grins.

“Yeah.”

“And that Lapis decided to leave.”

Peridot almost jerks from the mention of Lapis. Three weeks went by, and there was no news from Lapis. It is understandable, now she probably has a new life and enough money to live for several months without any worries.

"It will be better this way. And Jack, if you tease me like "now Peridot will get a cat," I'll shoot you in your sleep."

Jack smiles, sitting next to Star and hugging her around the waist.

"I won't say anything," she grins, placing her head on Star's shoulder. "But I have a wife, and you don't."

Peridot throws a cushion in her and says that she will definitely shoot her one day.

***

The music in the bar drowns out thoughts, and Peridot is happy about it. Already half-drunk a bottle of whiskey is in front of her, and her friends, who dragged her "out into the light, you're as pale as a vampire already," gone somewhere, not promising to return. Amethyst, taking Pearl by the arm, led her to "talk", asking Peridot to take a look at the bottle and wait. Peridot twirls a glass in her hand and thinks that she can’t promise the safety of the bottle from herself.

The truce with Homeworld ended. Now it was possible to arrange shootings and try to kill each other again. What happened to Jasper is unknown to anyone except Pearl, who had a tete-a-tete conversation with her. Peridot has no idea what Pearl told her, but since then, Jasper disappeared, and the Diamonds, even if they really wanted to, decided not to kill her. Pearl keeps too many secrets from all, but Peridot doesn't really want to know them. Why, when she can just go with her and Amethyst to the bar, and then complain "can you be gentler, I'm not a log, just help me to walk to my room, you loud bird..."

Peridot takes a sip of whiskey with ice and rubs the bridge of her nose, not noticing how one of her friends comes back and sits opposite.

"And where the fuck have you b- " she pauses, seeing in front of her a girl with blue eyes and the same color hair, trimmed shorter than before.

"Do you mind?" The girl pours herself a whiskey and immediately drinks. "I remembered that we forgot to do one thing. I see, since you can already drink, you are more or less healed, and I can give this to you."

She places a sheet of paper and an envelope before Peridot, and Peridot really wants to ask tons of questions, but has enough patience to look at papers first.

Two tickets to Bali are in the envelope.

On the paper, at the top in boldface is written "Contract for the possession of Lapis Lazuli's life".

"For the record, I'm still mad for that silly letter that you gave through Amethyst, but I'm giving you a chance to fix it right now. So, tell me, how shitty is your life, Peridot?”

Peridot drinks directly from the throat of the bottle.

It will be a long and beautiful evening. And night too.

And, most likely, morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HA. I finally finished it. Actually, I finished it in May in my native language, but I'm a piece of lazy shit, and I'm sorry. And yes, I know you're probably dissapoined at how it ended and about several last chapters too. I'm not realy satisfied with this work, and yet this is my first multy-chapter work without OCs, and I can't but love it. Thanks for all the comments and kudos, I love y'all <3


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